Last Ride

She died.

She was crossing an empty street when she was hit by a speeding bus. Her body flew in such a slow motion, she seemed to fly. But then the impact with the ground was inevitable. Her body crashed. Blood spilled on the asphalt.

It was a spectacular performance, and I was her only audience. I was the omniscient god that created her world- yes, the empty street, the need to cross it to reach the emptiness on the other side, the empty bus that crashed through her body, the blood. Her world was only these things.

She was lost. She jut saw the street and the fog on the other side. I gave her will. Cross it, I whispered. She didn't know what to do but to follow the only sound she could hear. She took a ginger step forward, and seeing nothing happened, followed it with another. Then another. And soon she was on the middle of the street, eager to reach the other side.

Then the bus came. It was empty of any soul to drive it but it came so fast. There wasn't even time to react. I couldn't stop it. I created the bus so he could ride it when he crossed the street, but something went wrong. Very wrong.

She didn't even see it coming.

I tried to stop the time. I guess that’s why her body reached the ground so slowly. I was master of her world but I couldn't stop is death. Like it was inevitable no matter how much in control I was.

There was no sound when she hit the road. Her body didn't even rebound. She just lay there in the middle of a pool of red. But- wait, she wasn't dead yet. She was alive!

I descended from the clouds and flew to his frail body. I ran as fast as I could. When I reached her I put her head on my lap and caressed her face. My dress was filled with his blood. I couldn't care less.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. She had such wonderful eyes. So playful, like she had the mind to suddenly jump up and shout "Just joking!", and then she would run from me and of course I would chase her, giggling and laughing until our bliss brings us on the other side of the street. Then we would ride the bus- that’s what it was supposed to be for- to heaven while making passionate love.

But she never did jump up.

She just looked at me. And then her eyes filled with tears. But...the tears never did fall. Because she closed her eyes before they had the chance.

She died.

And I woke up.

In tears- because now I know even if I was god, she still wouldn't be mine.

Mush at the time of cholera

I am jaded.

Not long ago, I found my true north. My existence suddenly gained essence. I was finally living not just for myself but for someone elses as well. Each day was total bliss. The world surprisingly changed its hue. There was peace… even just for a moment.

I was jaded.

We were star-crossed lovers one time or the other. My life used to revolve around my paramour. Used to.

Two months and still counting…

Parting is such sweet sorrow. So true. It’s like having a major hangover after the intoxication wears off from last night’s party. You feel nauseous, dehydrated, wasted, and dry. Mush suddenly loses meaning. Sweet-nothings translate into one word—crap. And like crap, you simply flush it down the drain. You are left with nothing but disillusionment. The world ain’t that great after all. Everything becomes gray.

Fast cars and rubber duckies…

I have mastered the art of watching cars go by, without rational goal or purpose of course. I just love to let my mind wander. Every car carries my thoughts with it. All memory of my long lost paramour. Wishful thinking. No matter how much I try to wash off the pain and misery, I am faced with the fact that baths are now to be shared with rubber duckies. Lifeless rubber duckies.

Ramblings of a jilted lover.

You promised me the stars… it seems that the clouds have hidden them from sight. You said forever… all you gave is just a moment. I guess forever is too long. You said you would stay. Stay with whom? You said, “I love you.” I love you for now? Well, screw love.

Mush at its finest

I have done everything to cope with my loss—from watching cars to bathing alone, from downing alcohol to gazing at an overcast sky, from wishing to hoping, from rambling to writing… At the end of the day, all I have is mush, and no one to share it with.

A line from a popular song says, “You bleed just to know you’re alive…” I feel so alive right now. It must have been death when I was with my paramour for I didn’t know pain. To see the world through the eyes of the jaded was the biggest illusion of all. To love and to be loved for a while was the sweetest thing, even for a cynic.