Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Mush at the time of cholera

I am jaded.

Not long ago, I found my true north. My existence suddenly gained essence. I was finally living not just for myself but for someone elses as well. Each day was total bliss. The world surprisingly changed its hue. There was peace… even just for a moment.

I was jaded.

We were star-crossed lovers one time or the other. My life used to revolve around my paramour. Used to.

Two months and still counting…

Parting is such sweet sorrow. So true. It’s like having a major hangover after the intoxication wears off from last night’s party. You feel nauseous, dehydrated, wasted, and dry. Mush suddenly loses meaning. Sweet-nothings translate into one word—crap. And like crap, you simply flush it down the drain. You are left with nothing but disillusionment. The world ain’t that great after all. Everything becomes gray.

Fast cars and rubber duckies…

I have mastered the art of watching cars go by, without rational goal or purpose of course. I just love to let my mind wander. Every car carries my thoughts with it. All memory of my long lost paramour. Wishful thinking. No matter how much I try to wash off the pain and misery, I am faced with the fact that baths are now to be shared with rubber duckies. Lifeless rubber duckies.

Ramblings of a jilted lover.

You promised me the stars… it seems that the clouds have hidden them from sight. You said forever… all you gave is just a moment. I guess forever is too long. You said you would stay. Stay with whom? You said, “I love you.” I love you for now? Well, screw love.

Mush at its finest

I have done everything to cope with my loss—from watching cars to bathing alone, from downing alcohol to gazing at an overcast sky, from wishing to hoping, from rambling to writing… At the end of the day, all I have is mush, and no one to share it with.

A line from a popular song says, “You bleed just to know you’re alive…” I feel so alive right now. It must have been death when I was with my paramour for I didn’t know pain. To see the world through the eyes of the jaded was the biggest illusion of all. To love and to be loved for a while was the sweetest thing, even for a cynic.

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