Thursday, May 28, 2009

The poet i never was

This is my way of moving on, of saying goodbye to a love that was never meant to be and was never mine to begin with.

You know, I've never really understood what happened between and why we came to this - not seeing each other for months at a time, barely talking, barely even on speaking terms. But then again, was there ever an us to begin with? We were just friends who kidded about having a relationship. It made us laugh to see others' reactions every time we'd tell them we've gotten together and that we call each other Hugs and Kisses. You always referred to me as "bolt ko" but we both know there's really nothing to it, or at least that was what we owed up to the rest of the world. Even now it would make me smile to think how fast and how far things have gone from there.

Thank you for everything...for taking away my insecurities; for showing me that people do love me for who I am; for making me understand that people I love will hurt me but it doesn't necessarily mean they love me any less, and that when they do hurt me, it is possible to forgive, forget and move on with life; for making me realize it is possible to trust again after getting hurt. Thank you too for giving me the most painful lesson in my life thus far "LOVING SOMEONE WHO HAS ALREADY HAD SOMEONE"...that the moment you love someone you have given her the capacity to hurt you, that how much you hurt is equal to how much you have loved, that getting hurt is proportionate to having too many expectations. Thank you for accepting me and allowing me enough room to grow at the same time...for inspiring me and making me want to become a better person. Thank you for being there when I needed you - for the silly and the serious moments; for making me laugh, smile and cry all at the same time; for holding my hand at PULP summerslam; for giving me a hug and wiping away my tears when I'm sad or confused; for never failing to make me feel better no matter how down or how depressed I've become; for unselfishly sharing my joys and my happiness. Most of all, thank you for making me feel special, for making me feel loved, even if it was so ambiguous and so fleeting I was hardly conscious about it.

I'm sorry things had to come to this - I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you after all, and I wasn't supposed to expect anything to come out of our playing pretend either. But even if everything got so painful, I'm still glad to have known you, to have had you in my life even for just a short while. I've heard people say that while some good things never last others don't even start - I guess that fits us exactly...we could have been good together...good for each other, but then since we never really gave ourselves a chance, things had ended before they even began.
I also want to apologize to your BF, sorry that i have fallen for your girl, i didnt mean it, neither did i want to took her away from you, it just happened, in an instant; unexpected.

The moment you read this letter, im already leaving all the stupid thoughts of you and me walking in the beach looking at the sunset, you and me playing with kids, you and me together with bryce and karen giggling around. Because at the end of the day, there's no really you and me.