if the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there … I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
What happens if you put “this side up” face down while popping microwave popcorn?
How do they get the air inside the bubble wrap?
If a criminal turns himself in shouldn’t he get the reward money?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
If the weather man says “it’s a 50% chance of rain” does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?
Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceeds to tell you why it isn’t.
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teachingthem to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 yearstelling them to sit down and shut-up.