Unspoken words

Dear Janine,

I've been thinking about you lately, honestly, i've memorized every details of your face by just staring at your pictures. Every night i can sleep with a smile on my face coz you're the last one i talked with but i don't wanna tell you that I long to see your face again, im scared that it might scare you away. I don't wanna tell you that sometimes i think of you and smile. I really don't know if I should tell you that i have this feelings for you already.

You're a busy woman, a graduating student, i've been there and i know how things work in times like that. But I don't know how long i can stick around and be just another friend. Please don't misunderstood the prior statement, im not hasting you nor telling you to accept what im saying. There's this urge to myself that's telling me to say these things to you, but im afraid.

I'm torn between the chance for everything and a price that I can't pay losing you is something that I'd never chose so I'll just have to wait but it bugs me everyday.

You won't believe it, but i can't show you the best of me, i know i'm a jolly person whenever we talk to, but all i can say is all my jokes and funny things about me, i can't even show you my serious side, not that i'm hiding it, nor that it'll make me look so handsome if you'll know it, it's just that every time I'm talking with you I just seem to lose my head and spend my time admiring instead. You're such a wonderful person. You're fun to talk with and i can already sense the intelligence and the maturity in you. You really shine with your personality eventhough you're saying you're not that kind of a person. Well maybe you don't see what i see in you.

But time came that i don't know if i'll have the chance to say it to you, i don't know if i can still talk to you after this night. Honestly i don't know if you'll read this letter. I don't want any tables unturned, words not spoken, i always believe that the answer is always NO for people who don't ask.

I don't know how long before it breaks me down inside and all my strength has gone away, and i don't want to suffer lifetime of remorse for not saying this.

Im falling for you.

I hope if you've read this nothing will change or if ever change is inevitable, i hope it's for the better.

Be my Light

Lately, I've been thinking bout you.
Baby, you don't know what I'm going through.
But every time, when I look at your face,
I forget about all my problems, baby, 'cause you lighten up my days.

Bridge 1:
And whenever I'm with you, it feels so right.
So I ask you this one question, girl, "Won't you please be mine?"

Chorus:
I've been walking this dark road once again.
Girl you're the one I choose to light my way.
Whatever you ask, I'll do.
'Cause I care so much about you.
You're always on my mind.
I need you to be by my side.
I want you to be mine oh mine
For all time.

Verse 2:
So beautiful are those sparkling eyes.
So wonderful; with you I'd never ever cry.
I want you to know, you're the one I'll always treasure.
How else can I show that we've got something special?

Bridge 2:
Girl I know this may be hard to understand.
That's why I ask of you one chance to let me be your man.

[Chorus]
'I've been walking this dark road once again.
Girl you're the one I choose to light my way.
Whatever you ask, I'll do.
'Cause I care so much about you.
You're always on my mind.
I need you to be by my side.
I want you to be mine oh mine
For all time.

Girl I know this may be hard to understand.
That's why I ask of you one chance to let me be your man.
And whenever I'm with you, it feels so right.
So I ask you this one question, girl, "Won't you please be mine? please be my light"

'Cause I'm falling for you.
Girl you're the one I choose.
Whatever you ask, I'll do.
'Cause I care so much about you.

[Chorus] x2
I've been walking this dark road once again.
Girl you're the one I choose to light my way.
Whatever you ask, I'll do.
'Cause I care so much about you.
You're always on my mind.
I need you to be by my side.
I want you to be mine oh mine
For all time.

The journey to become a Grand Master

"JUST A KID"

Im gonna start thinking of the future by looking into the past.My interest in computer gaming started when i was just about 4 years old. As a kid, i grew up playing computer games. My grandfather owned an arcade place just across our house in tondo. I played almost everything, from the Family Computer to NES to SEGA to Playstation 1. I played almost all consoles but my journey to PC gaming started when i was in grade 6.

"INTRODUCTION TO THE CYBER WORLD"

I'm in a playstation rental shop when the owner asked me to play the newly installed Gameboy Emulator in his PC (I played Pokemon on that PC if i remember it correctly). Then he introduced me to Red Alert. A strategy war game that really caught my interest. I instantly fell inlove with Red Alert but that love didn't lasted for quite a while. I got bored with just playing with AIs. I craved for real competition so i searched on the internet what game is "in". This started my competitive Gaming stage.

"COMPETITION WAR CRY"

The craving for competition was answered when a friend introduced me to COUNTER- STRIKE, a first-person shooting game, I was a highschool student back then (2002) when my classmates are talking about the "him killing him with a 4-4" and how humiliated he was when my other classmate Saksak him. So i was curious about what the hell are they talking about. So when the class ended we went to a PC Rental Shop and i was mesmerized by so many people playing the game. I told myself this is it! this is the real deal.

I got addicted to Counter-Strike like hell. I cutted classes. Attend class only 3 times a week (which a good student have 6 a week). but hell who cares about my grades in HS. All I know is im enjoying playing. This is the first game i got serious with. Joined a team, Played with bets and we even joined tournaments.

But to no avail my poor eyesight came to toll which affected my skills and made me quit the team and eventually the game.

"WELCOME TO THE PRO-GAMING WORLD"

Eventhough I quitted Counter-Strike, i can't erase the crave for playing in my system. "I need to look for a game that suits what I can do". I surfed on the net and stumbled upon WARCRAFT3. I've read so many good reviews about Warcraft 3 that made me wanted to try the game. My love for strategy game came back. The lack of competitiveness of playing with AIs was fulfilled by Warcraft 3. Strategy game with real people to play with. I found a new love in Warcraft 3. 4 Races:Undead,Night Elf (which i play), Orc and Human, 4 races that made me gaga over PRO-GAMING.

I was just researching about strategies for Night Elf when i stumble a Korean Pro-Gamer (My ultimate IDOL) named MoOn. Jang jae ho is the best Night Elf player in the world. He's even called the fifth race in Warcraft 3. that's the time I realized that gaming is a career in Korea. so i asked myself "Can I be like Moon?" I trained hard and played hard just to be like him. then the bubble popped when I learned that Warcraft 3 is not that widely known in our province. End of the line for my not-even-starting-career.

"DOTA ERA"

With lack of competitive tournaments and even losing some local Warcraft 3 players, I almost quitted playing. I need to get my grades back (which fell miserably because of my Warcraft3 training) but Gaming God wasn't ready to give up yet. A friend of mine introduced me to a Warcraft 3 MAP. Defense of the Ancients. being a warcraft 3 player i instantly fell in love with DOTA. I just wanted to enjoy the game and no plans for being pro because im afraid that the history might repeat itself, being serious with playing a game and then meet a dead-end.

But the popularity of DOTA is not the same as Warcraft 3. Me moving from Laguna to Manila, i realized that DOTA is really popular, and not just popular. it's played with a lot of Local Tournaments. My dream was awakened once more.

"DOTA IS THE ANSWER" i told myself. so I played and trained and teamed up with my "friends" (back then) and joined some tournaments in the metro. Pacific hosted the most prestigious DOTA tournaments back then and it was team "FLOW" who is number 1 team back then.

"I wanna be like them, earning while doing their passion". I always believe of what Confuscious said "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. "I was with a friend of mine who's in Team Pag-ibig back then and told me "Kung gusto mo magkapera at magkababae maglaro ka ng DOTA, magpakaPRO ka, ayun ayus na yun." so i trained with him. We formed a team with our friends and played in Tondo. We even go to other places just to train and play with bets. It was a fun time for me. This is a dream coming true.

Came to the time that I already wanna quit my schooling and just play. I cutted classes which leaded for my scholarship to be cancelled. It was a wake-up call for me. I have to regain my scholarship back. I have to choose: To play or to stop schooling. Funny but i really went to my former teacher and asked her about this. I told her that I really want to play but I can't balance playing competitively and studying. She told that I have to choose and left me with an eye-opener. "There's a real world out there, don't be a prison of a short-time dream. Dream big" so I told my teammates i have to leave the team and focus on my study. It's a hard time for me since we've worked so hard and i have to leave the team as our team is starting to make a name for itself.

"DREAM ENDED"

I focused on my study and found a work as soon as I've graduated. I only play casually and just for enjoyment. but my friends invited me to play RAN ONLINE, a MMORPG online, at that time my friend is widely known as the strongest player on that game. He promised me to help me if i'll play. So I play, or rather "Ghost Player" if you think about it. I only pay the person who will "Pilot" my character. Got to the highest level and bought a armor set worth P10,000. My character became well-known in Ran Online.

"Start of my journey to be Grand Master"

I was just browsing on my friend's list when i stumble upon a post on my college classmate's wall.

"oi mineski mino". I've known Mineski since i played DOTA. It's a company that promotes Pro-gaming and E-sports here in the country. so i was just curious and asked my friend RAM MINO what he plays and he answered "StarCraft 2"

I heard StarCraft Broodwar when i was playing Warcraft 3. it's one of the game i tried back then but didn't got my attention because of the poor graphic (sorry SC peeps, i found Warcraft 3's graphic more amusing).

So I asked him "turuan mo nga ko nyan, gusto ko maglaro eh, naghahanap ako ng bagong laro na pwede kong laruin."

he instantly answered with a yes.

then he invited me to a facebook group named "StarCraftPH".

i researched about the game and find it appealing.

GOOD GRAPHICS+GREAT GAMEPLAY = A VERY GOOD GAME

but what really inspires me to play is not the game itself but the people of the SC community.

They are so helpful with newbies like me. They answered every questions i've asked and still answering every question i ask and i know they'll still answer the questions i'll be asking.

I didn't hear anything like " ambobo mo naman, hindi ganyan!"

i only hear "ganito gagawin mo kapag ganyan gagawn ng kalaban", "ok lang yan, practice lang", "Oh mayaman ka masyado, magexpand ka, dun mo lagay."

they're really helping me to be a better player.

I really find a place where i can still play, have a good time, gained some new friends and i will surely won't lose a single friend because of playing because in this game there's no one to blame if you lose but yourself.

I don't care if some of my DOTA playmates before (not from tondo) told me "bakit di ka na lang ulit magDOTA?, bakit nagstarcraft ka pa? hindi naman sikat yan."I don't play for fame. I just want to play. I just want to compete.

I want to prove myself that someday i can be like Moon...

"When im Grand Master I will play faster. They'll call me Bjonwa, just like my name was flash" -Temp0

I want to thank the Starcraft Community for welcoming me and Special Thanks to the D-Leaguers and my Coaches Ram "Mski Yax"Mino and Paolo "Mski Jabito" Javier.

LET'S SUPPORT E-SPORTS. LET'S MAKE E-SPORTS A THREAT TO OTHER SPORTS. StarCraftPH FIGHTING!

-Richardson "xOxO" Jacinto

"JUST A KID"

Im gonna start thinking of the future by looking into the past.My interest in computer gaming started when i was just about 4 years old. As a kid, i grew up playing computer games. My grandfather owned an arcade place just across our house in tondo. I played almost everything, from the Family Computer to NES to SEGA to Playstation 1. I played almost all consoles but my journey to PC gaming started when i was in grade 6.

"INTRODUCTION TO THE CYBER WORLD"

I'm in a playstation rental shop when the owner asked me to play the newly installed Gameboy Emulator in his PC (I played Pokemon on that PC if i remember it correctly). Then he introduced me to Red Alert. A strategy war game that really caught my interest. I instantly fell inlove with Red Alert but that love didn't lasted for quite a while. I got bored with just playing with AIs. I craved for real competition so i searched on the internet what game is "in". This started my competitive Gaming stage.

"COMPETITION WAR CRY"

The craving for competition was answered when a friend introduced me to COUNTER- STRIKE, a first-person shooting game, I was a highschool student back then (2002) when my classmates are talking about the "him killing him with a 4-4" and how humiliated he was when my other classmate Saksak him. So i was curious about what the hell are they talking about. So when the class ended we went to a PC Rental Shop and i was mesmerized by so many people playing the game. I told myself this is it! this is the real deal.

I got addicted to Counter-Strike like hell. I cutted classes. Attend class only 3 times a week (which a good student have 6 a week). but hell who cares about my grades in HS. All I know is im enjoying playing. This is the first game i got serious with. Joined a team, Played with bets and we even joined tournaments.

But to no avail my poor eyesight came to toll which affected my skills and made me quit the team and eventually the game.

"WELCOME TO THE PRO-GAMING WORLD"

Eventhough I quitted Counter-Strike, i can't erase the crave for playing in my system. "I need to look for a game that suits what I can do". I surfed on the net and stumbled upon WARCRAFT3. I've read so many good reviews about Warcraft 3 that made me wanted to try the game. My love for strategy game came back. The lack of competitiveness of playing with AIs was fulfilled by Warcraft 3. Strategy game with real people to play with. I found a new love in Warcraft 3. 4 Races:Undead,Night Elf (which i play), Orc and Human, 4 races that made me gaga over PRO-GAMING.

I was just researching about strategies for Night Elf when i stumble a Korean Pro-Gamer (My ultimate IDOL) named MoOn. Jang jae ho is the best Night Elf player in the world. He's even called the fifth race in Warcraft 3. that's the time I realized that gaming is a career in Korea. so i asked myself "Can I be like Moon?" I trained hard and played hard just to be like him. then the bubble popped when I learned that Warcraft 3 is not that widely known in our province. End of the line for my not-even-starting-career.

"DOTA ERA"

With lack of competitive tournaments and even losing some local Warcraft 3 players, I almost quitted playing. I need to get my grades back (which fell miserably because of my Warcraft3 training) but Gaming God wasn't ready to give up yet. A friend of mine introduced me to a Warcraft 3 MAP. Defense of the Ancients. being a warcraft 3 player i instantly fell in love with DOTA. I just wanted to enjoy the game and no plans for being pro because im afraid that the history might repeat itself, being serious with playing a game and then meet a dead-end.

But the popularity of DOTA is not the same as Warcraft 3. Me moving from Laguna to Manila, i realized that DOTA is really popular, and not just popular. it's played with a lot of Local Tournaments. My dream was awakened once more.

"DOTA IS THE ANSWER" i told myself. so I played and trained and teamed up with my "friends" (back then) and joined some tournaments in the metro. Pacific hosted the most prestigious DOTA tournaments back then and it was team "FLOW" who is number 1 team back then.

"I wanna be like them, earning while doing their passion". I always believe of what Confuscious said "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. "I was with a friend of mine who's in Team Pag-ibig back then and told me "Kung gusto mo magkapera at magkababae maglaro ka ng DOTA, magpakaPRO ka, ayun ayus na yun." so i trained with him. We formed a team with our friends and played in Tondo. We even go to other places just to train and play with bets. It was a fun time for me. This is a dream coming true.

Came to the time that I already wanna quit my schooling and just play. I cutted classes which leaded for my scholarship to be cancelled. It was a wake-up call for me. I have to regain my scholarship back. I have to choose: To play or to stop schooling. Funny but i really went to my former teacher and asked her about this. I told her that I really want to play but I can't balance playing competitively and studying. She told that I have to choose and left me with an eye-opener. "There's a real world out there, don't be a prison of a short-time dream. Dream big" so I told my teammates i have to leave the team and focus on my study. It's a hard time for me since we've worked so hard and i have to leave the team as our team is starting to make a name for itself.

"DREAM ENDED"

I focused on my study and found a work as soon as I've graduated. I only play casually and just for enjoyment. but my friends invited me to play RAN ONLINE, a MMORPG online, at that time my friend is widely known as the strongest player on that game. He promised me to help me if i'll play. So I play, or rather "Ghost Player" if you think about it. I only pay the person who will "Pilot" my character. Got to the highest level and bought a armor set worth P10,000. My character became well-known in Ran Online.

"Start of my journey to be Grand Master"

I was just browsing on my friend's list when i stumble upon a post on my college classmate's wall.

"oi mineski mino". I've known Mineski since i played DOTA. It's a company that promotes Pro-gaming and E-sports here in the country. so i was just curious and asked my friend RAM MINO what he plays and he answered "StarCraft 2"

I heard StarCraft Broodwar when i was playing Warcraft 3. it's one of the game i tried back then but didn't got my attention because of the poor graphic (sorry SC peeps, i found Warcraft 3's graphic more amusing).

So I asked him "turuan mo nga ko nyan, gusto ko maglaro eh, naghahanap ako ng bagong laro na pwede kong laruin."

he instantly answered with a yes.

then he invited me to a facebook group named "StarCraftPH".

i researched about the game and find it appealing.

GOOD GRAPHICS+GREAT GAMEPLAY = A VERY GOOD GAME

but what really inspires me to play is not the game itself but the people of the SC community.

They are so helpful with newbies like me. They answered every questions i've asked and still answering every question i ask and i know they'll still answer the questions i'll be asking.

I didn't hear anything like " ambobo mo naman, hindi ganyan!"

i only hear "ganito gagawin mo kapag ganyan gagawn ng kalaban", "ok lang yan, practice lang", "Oh mayaman ka masyado, magexpand ka, dun mo lagay."

they're really helping me to be a better player.

I really find a place where i can still play, have a good time, gained some new friends and i will surely won't lose a single friend because of playing because in this game there's no one to blame if you lose but yourself.

I don't care if some of my DOTA playmates before (not from tondo) told me "bakit di ka na lang ulit magDOTA?, bakit nagstarcraft ka pa? hindi naman sikat yan."I don't play for fame. I just want to play. I just want to compete. I want to prove myself that someday i can be like Moon.

"When im Grand Master I will play faster. They'll call me Bjonwa, just like my name was flash" -Temp0

I want to thank the Starcraft Community for welcoming me and Special Thanks to the D-Leaguers and my Coaches Ram "Mski Yax"Mino and Paolo "Mski Jabito" Javier.

LET'S SUPPORT E-SPORTS. LET'S MAKE E-SPORTS A THREAT TO OTHER SPORTS. StarCraftPH FIGHTING!

-Richardson "xOxO" Jacinto

My Yellow Butterfly

Today a little butterfly flew by me. I thought to myself where have you been my yellow butterfly?
You come into this world as a cocoon all by yourself and blossom into this beautiful butterfly and fly off to see the world.

What you don’t realize little butterfly as you flutter through your days is how you touch those around you in your soft gentle way. You don’t even realize the wonder and awe you create around you.

She fluttered her wings toward me as if she was waving good-by as she headed towards the horizon.
She looked very happy and content as she went on her way, as if to say to me “Don’t worry I’ll be okay”.

I was sad to see her go for she had touched my heart in such a way that I knew my life would never be the same.
She had left an imprint of all the beauty life has to offer.

I knew each time I looked at another butterfly or horizon I would
remember our moment in time when it was only her and I.
I knew I would be a better person all because this little butterfly flew by me one bright sunny day.

I'm still hoping that that yellow butterfly will be back for me.

to love me, to touch my life again

to share laughters, tears

to share her lifetime with me.

WRITER'S NOTE:

Yellow is a bright color which represent the warmth of the sun, the HOPE for a new day, the HAPPINESS that it brings. (I WILL NEVER GIVE THAT HOPE UP, HOPING THAT SHE WILL COME BACK TO ME. AS MY YELLOW BUTTERFLY)

Butterfly means RESURRECTION, ANOTHER LIFE. I see her as my butterfly, the one that gave me a NEW LIFE and I too, am a butterfly, because of her i won't be the same. i'm an ugly caterpillar before but she turned me to a beautiful butterfly, a better person.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MARY ROSE TACAY CHIVA. You will always be my yellow butterfly.

Changed...

After reading the book entitled "Purpose driven life" I came out with this. Hope you like it.

GOD: Hello, did you call me?
ME: Called you? no who is this?
GOD: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So i thought I will chat with you.
ME: I do pray. Just to make me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.
GOD: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too!
ME: Don't you know? I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. Its rush hour all the time.
GOD: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
GOD: Well, I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the meduim you are comfortable with.
ME: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messenging chat.
ME: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
GOD: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
ME: Why are we then constant unhappy?
GOD: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That is why you are not happy.
ME: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty.
GOD: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
ME: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
GOD: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without being fired. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience, their life becomes better, not bitter.
ME: You mean to say such experience is useful?
GOD: Yes, in every term. Experience is a hard teacher. It gives the test first and the lesson afterwards.
ME: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?
GOD: PROBLEMS are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons to Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggles and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
ME: Frankly, in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are.
GOD: If you look outside, you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
ME: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
GOD: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
ME: In tough times how do we stay motivated?
GOD: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
ME: what surprises you about people?
GOD: When they suffer they ask, "Why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me?" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
ME: Sometimes I ask, "Who am I, why am I here?" I can't get the answer.
GOD: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but process of creation.
ME: How can I get the best of life?
GOD: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
ME: One last question, God. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered?
GOD: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO
ME: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the day with a sense of inspiration.
GOD: Well, keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Ako nga pala si RJ

hayaan nyong ikwento ko sa inyo ang love story ko

nagsimula ang lahat ng makita ko siya sa computer shop na tinatambayan namin

kapatid ng barkada ko

masungit, suplada, isnabera

siya si mary rose

ang babaeng hindi ko akalaing mamahalin ko ng ganito

naging close kami ng maging text mate kami

then eventually nagkagustuhan

smooth sailing ang relasyon

ng malaman nya ang lihim ko

hindi ko naman sinasadyang itago sa kanya yun

pero wala akong magawa

nalaman nyang may iba akong girlfriend

ooooppsss teka alam ko na sasabihin nyo

manloloko ako at sinungaling

hindi na ako mageexplain

dahil kahit anong mangyari

at kahit anong sabihin ko sinungaling pa din

at manloloko ang labas ko

pero hindi ko tinatago yun

tatanggapin ko lahat ng sinasabi nila

dahil alam kong mali ako

umalis siya papuntang probinsya

para magbakasyon

lahat ng kaibigan nya

pinayuhan na siyang iwan ako

hindi ko naman sila masisisi

kasi alam kong mali ako

pero gusto ko lang malaman niya

na isipin na niyang lahat ng sinabi at nangyari ay kasinungalingan

pero sana maniwala siya kapag sinabi kong

MAHAL KITA

dahil sa lahat ng sinabi ko

yun ang pinakatotoo

mahal kita..

mahal na mahal